The Difference Between Sex and Love

A BBC documentary ‘The Human Body’ presented by Dr Robert Winston films a sex education class.

The teacher, after writing up the word ‘SEX’ in large letters on the blackboard, asks the teenagers to suggest other words associated with sex. Some time later, the teacher asks the class for the one word that is missing and, after a pause, writes the word ‘LOVE’ on the board.

Despite modern contraception, sex still involves the risk of pregnancy, sexual disease and considerable emotional turmoil (!). So we promote the link between sex and love to ensure that young people understand the responsibilities associated with a sexual relationship.

A girl of sixteen came out to the South of France one summer. On her first night she met an Australian whose self-confessed ambition was to lay every woman in the resort. She fell for his chat and blond good looks and lost her virginity. The next day he moved on (mission accomplished so to speak) and she was devastated.

Fathers are protective of their daughters for this very reason. They know that sex drive causes a young man to be highly focused on his own orgasm and that any idea of a relationship is likely to be the last thing on his mind. Since a woman does not get the same easy pleasure from sex, she offers a man short-term pleasure in the hope of longer-term companionship, mutual support and family (or a sense of belonging), sometimes referred to as ‘commitment’.

If young women are hoping for more than a ‘one night stand’ then they are best advised to make a man wait (at least a date or two) for sex. It won’t do a man any lasting harm to wait and if he is interested in you as a person then he will be willing to allow time for trust and respect to develop.

Casual sex is usually about the ego trip
In the long run, most of us find that having sex with someone we know and love adds something special to the experience. But that does not mean that sex and love are the same thing. Sex is raunchy, exhilarating, orgasmic and fun. Love is caring and nurturing. The two can go together or side-by-side but they are different. Women’s sexual expectations in our society are often confused with softer images of love and romance.

Sex education for teenagers (especially girls) should cover not only the reproductive facts but also how they can enjoy a sexual relationship. Most women who experience orgasm do so through masturbation or oral sex. Telling teenagers to limit their sexual experiences to intercourse makes it less likely that a woman might learn how to enjoy her own orgasm. Vaginal intercourse may lead to family but it was never intended to facilitate female orgasm, either physically or psychologically.

“In some cases, it was not even clear to the woman herself whether there had been an orgasm or merely high levels of arousal.” (p199 The Hite Report 1976)

Not every woman is attracted to eroticism and so many women miss out on the sexual fantasies that lead to women’s sexual arousal and orgasm. Shere Hite referred to women’s experience of heightened arousal as ’emotional orgasms’ to differentiate them from real female orgasms. Perhaps the term ’emotional orgasm’ is unhelpful.

Another way of differentiating between women’s experience of orgasm is by asking about the impact of the relationship. Some women explain their experience of orgasm through their relationship and the idea that their partner finds them sexually attractive. Many women never learn to explore their sexuality either through masturbation or through activities other than sexual intercourse and so they miss out on enjoying sexual pleasure and their own sexual arousal and orgasm.

A woman who enjoys orgasm through masturbation can enjoy orgasm quite separately from her relationship because her sexual psychology is driven through sexual fantasies. Each of these experiences is no better than the other but simply different.

The Turkish ‘Kinsey Report’, Part 3 – First Time Sex

Turkish Sexuality Survey Question —
How would you describe your first sexual experience?

As Metin Üstündag was saying in Part 2…

Until recently, Turkish kids got their sex education in a very haphazard manner — with mostly bad results. My generation was luckier, in some ways — because of what happened in the mid-1970’s in Yesilcam (Turkey’s Hollywood-like film capital located in Istanbul).

The Turkish Erotic Films industry was born (and thrived) during that time and it provided my generation with a sex education, of sorts — though it fell well short of being authoritative. What could we expect? In the role of our sex educator was a porn star, Aydemir Akbas (now a legitimate actor at age 70, who has more than 95 films to his credit). And when he’d leer sexily at the women in those early films, they’d immediately begin to moan with exaggerated desire. In fact, those films probably did more to a develop our sense of humor about sex, than they did to educate us about its ‘finer points’.

Headlines from the sexuality survey…

  • 6 of 10 virgin couples felt ‘excitement’ at the thought of their first sexual congress as partners.
  • 23% of those surveyed felt ‘lust’ during their first sexual experience. The second most mentioned feeling was ‘nervousness’ — noted by 10.6% of participants.
  • Of those citing a feeling of ‘lust’ during their first sexual experience, most were aged 16-34
  • Men (6.2%) more than women (4.9%) described their first sexual experiences as ‘fatiguing’.
  • Slightly more women (9.9%) than men (8.8%) described their first sexual experience with ‘repugnance, guilt, or anger.’ And…
  • Of the more educated women in the survey, one-third of High School finishers and an equal percentage of University graduates were definite in describing their first sexual experiences as ‘unpleasant’, even ‘bad’. But…
  • Men and women equally (6.8%) said their first sexual experience made them “feel safe and secure.”
  • The 4 most-favored places for first-time sex were:

    1) One’s own home (Male – 43%, Female – 82% )

    2) Someone else’s home (M – 18%, F – 7% )

    3) A hotel (M – 9%, F – 3% )

    4) A brothel (M – 20%, F – 0% )

  • First-time sex-partners fell into three main categories:

    1) Husband/wife (Male – 25%, Female – 81% )

    2) Boyfriend/girlfriend (M – 27%, F – 13% )

    3) Prostitutes (M – 27%, F – 0% )

  • Among the celebrities polled, we were drawn to the ‘first time sex’ observations of the full-blooded veteran-actress Müjde Ar and the multi-talented Hülya Avsar…

    Film and TV Actress Müjde Ar

    It’s probably not fair to generalize about men. And, I don’t believe that every pubescent child rings at the door of a brothel — though life is faster and bolder in the big cities these days. As for the subject of the first sexual experience, in my opinion, a man’s greatest fear…is that his nervousness will show!

    All-round Entertainer Hülya Avsar

    I didn’t feel any nervousness, I felt excitement. That’s got much to do with the partner you’re with — and how the man makes you feel. I didn’t suffer a bit at the crucial moment. Afterwards, I had to hear it from him that I was no longer a virgin.

    In Part 4: More headlines from the Turkish ‘Kinsey Report’ — and answers to the Sexuality Survey Question, ‘How old were you when you had your first sexual relationship?

    Click following to access a fully illustrated HTML version of Turkish Sexuality Survey — First Time Sex

    Lessons on the Most Comfortable Intercourse Position During Pregnancy

    Sex spices up the relationship especially when the woman is pregnant. This may occur shocking to you but that is what exactly what makes it all the more special. The thing which few people do during pregnancy it what makes the act of lovemaking more intimate and extraordinary. Actually, there is nothing to fear about making love when you are expecting a child. As long as you know how to do the most comfortable positions during pregnancy, then there is nothing to worry about. The child is deep inside your womb, safely protected from external factors that would do him harm. As long as your partner doesn’t thrust inside you so violently or deeply during sexual intercourse, then there is nothing to worry about.

    Have you noticed the physical make up of your womb? There is a noticeable gap between the vulva of the vagina and the baby. It only means that nature already contemplated the instance where a woman might still be engaging in sexual acts even being pregnant or at least nature allows it to happen. Hence, the baby is safely tucked away deep inside the uterus.

    It is admitted that it is still important to practice caution, hence we gave lessons about the correct pregnancy intercourse positions. There are different of doing this which are proven to give every couple satisfaction just like in normal sex. Be able to hurdle the obstacle of getting intimate with your wife or husband during pregnancy by taking time to learn the proper pregnancy intercourse positions.